In the film, It’s A Wonderful Life, the lead character, George, definitely had his share of sucky seasons that would lead him to wonder if the movie required a different title. Here is the lead character’s suckfest highlight reel:
· As a boy, he lost his hearing in one ear while saving his brother from drowning.
· He got smacked a couple of times in that same ear by his grief-stricken drunk boss, Mr. Gower.
· He felt like he disappointed his dad in not wanting to continue the family business.
· The same night he let his dad down, his dad had a stroke that led to his death.
· George felt forced to lead the family business he didn’t want, delaying his dream of education and travel.
· His brother, Harry, excelled in college and began living his dreams.
· On his wedding day in the fall of 1929, after the stock market crash, he and Mary used up their honeymoon money to save the Building and Loan instead of traveling.
· He faced rumors of an inappropriate relationship with his friend, Violet.
· He was lured by Mr. Potter to leave the Building and Loan behind for enormous wealth.
· Mr. Potter found and kept a Building and Loan deposit instead of returning it to George.
· Mr. Potter called the police to issue a warrant for George’s arrest on Christmas Eve.
· George’s little girl, Zu Zu, got sick.
· George was reminded of his lack of wealth by his own son.
· George blew up at his wife and kids.
· Zu Zu’s teacher’s husband punched George in the mouth at a bar.
· George got stuck with Clarence, AS2.
The birth narratives of Jesus found in the Gospels of Matthew and Luke give us a glimpse of similar suckiness faced by Mary and Joseph. While the veracity of the birth narratives is questionable, enjoying the story is worth consideration, and may be the more important outcome both authors hoped for. Here is Mary’s suckfest highlight reel:
· Mary was voluntold that she would become pregnant from someone other than her legal husband. She was a 12–14-year-old young woman.
· Mary had to share the scandalous news with her parents, family, community, religious leaders, and Joseph – all of whom would doubt her story and pile on shame and guilt.
· Joseph suffered his own level of humiliation as well, and certain pressure to justifiably dump her.
· Mary had to endure all the physical and emotional challenges of being pregnant, but she did not likely feel much loving support along the way, and very little joy and love from her hometown (which is why she visited Elizabeth).
· According to Luke, when she was full term, she had to travel 90 miles to Bethlehem – a four-day journey.
· Coming into labor as she entered Bethlehem, nobody helped, and she and Joseph had to settle for a dung-filled, filthy barn-cave.
· At some point during their first two years in Bethlehem, they had to flee to Egypt to escape infanticide ordered by King Herod. They stayed in Egypt until Herod died in 4 BCE.
· According to Matthew’s Gospel, they had to relocate to Nazareth to build their new life, which meant that they had no family support.
In both highlight reels there is a strong amount of normal suckiness that comes with life. Suck happens. Accidents happen. Illness happens. Things beyond our control happen. Death happens. All these things feel sucky.
In both highlight reels there is also the presence of sucky characters who exacerbate the suckiness. Mr. Potter is the chief Suckmeister in It’s A Wonderful Life, ruled by power and greed. King Herod is the Suckmeister in the birth narratives, also ruled by power and greed.
Every human being will encounter seasons of suck. Sometimes the suck is random, with no central figure to blame and no malintent. Sometimes we must deal with Suckmeisters who, while they are still a mixture of dirt and Spirit, are so “clodded” up that the Spirit’s influence is severely impeded. And let’s be honest – there are times when we are not shalom-aligned and become someone else’s Suckmeister. Or is it just me?
What’s your suckfest reel include? How much of it is random “that’s life” suckiness? How much of it is because of a Suckmeister?
Here’s something that we all know is true yet need to be reminded of often: we have limited control over the suck that will happen to us over the course of our lives. While good choices generally set us up for healthier lives more so than poor choices, nobody gets through life suck free.
Here’s another truth that most people hear about yet need to be reminded of repeatedly: we have a lot of control over how we respond to the suckiness of life. Not full control, exactly, because sometimes our brain chemicals or deeply held paradigms severely limit our capacity. But! We have agency regarding our response to all of life, and that can make the difference between a positive impression of our lives or its opposite. Victor Frankl’s well-known insight comes to mind: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Gandhi noted that “you can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you. All you can do is change how you react to it.” Henry Cloud chimes in as well, stating that “the difference between responding and reacting is choice. When you are reacting, they are in control. When you respond, you are. Learn.” Sometimes we intensify and even prolong the suckiness in our lives by getting caught up in reactivity.
George’s response through the ups and downs of his journey? Honesty and good will. George was honest about his feelings throughout the disappointments. He was also expressive of his joy when those moments came. He fell in love with Mary. He celebrated his wedding day, and they made the best of their first night. He rejoiced at the prospect of having kids. He was frustrated along the way and acknowledged it, yet he marked moments of joy as well, like the scene where he gave a speech at Mr. Martini’s new home even as he struggled with feeling unaccomplished when visited by his rich friend, Sam Wainwright. He showed anger toward Mr. Potter, and sorrow when he felt like he was washed up. Honesty about our feelings is key to wellbeing. When we stuff and deny what we are feeling, we limit our capacity for a fuller life experience. I know – I’m a recovering stuffer. Through it all, George continued to be a good person, working hard at the Building and Loan to make it possible for working class residents to buy their own home – a key piece of the American Dream then and now as it supports generational wealth. His ongoing loving nature was evidenced by his relationship with his wife and his kids, and the climax of the story when he was reminded of how many friends he had. We can learn a lot from this character in our choices to be honest about how we are feeling in a world that prefers everyone to be “fine” or “great”. And we can be inspired to continue looking beyond our own wellbeing to make the world a better place.
Mary’s response? The Magnificat (Luke 1:38, 46-55 NRSV). First, Mary’s acceptance of what has been share with her: “Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” And then, Mary broke into a song or poem or both:
“My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.
Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
for the Mighty One has done great things for me,
and holy is his name.
His mercy is for those who [revere] him
from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts.
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones,
and lifted up the lowly;
he has filled the hungry with good things,
and sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel,
in remembrance of his mercy,
according to the promise he made to our ancestors,
to Abraham and to his descendants forever.”
The above Magnificat is magnificent because it showcases a decision to accentuate the positive, as the old jazz standard instructs. She would certainly experience struggle, but in this moment, she was choosing to recognize the goodness that was inherent in this life-altering event. She was seen and included in God’s unfolding story, treated with dignity and respect – she got a visit not a postcard. She was dirt poor and powerless, being told by the power structure of her day that she was of little value. Yet she was feeling loved by God and chose to rejoice in that foundation for her life. She felt worth in the eyes of God even as she was scorned by so many others. Focusing on such a foundation can be a game changer. When we focus on the negative voices around us, we can be overwhelmed. When we focus on the message of love, value, and hope emanating from the still small voice of God, we are empowered to move forward. Which she did. All the way through Jesus’ life until she watched him die on a cross.
Jesus was no stranger to suckfests. He was born into extreme poverty, a hyper conservative religious nationalism while living under the thumb of a foreign oppressor. He knew what it was like to have very little money – most of his life, I suspect. He knew what it was like to have broken dreams – did he ever fall in love or want a family or build a business? He knew what it was like to deal with sucky people. From his being fully centered and motivated by the Spirit of God and directed by the North Star of shalom, he offered a lot of wisdom. In part of his stump speech known as the Sermon on the Mount, he spoke a lot about how to approach life. Taking time to be alone and quiet enough for us to sort out our thoughts and allow space for God to speak, structuring our prayer and life vision in a shalom centered way, being aware of how we see everything and its impact on our life and experience, and keeping perspective when suckfests happen are all part of Matthew’s sixth chapter. And what about sucky people? Earlier in his speech Jesus instructed his followers to love their enemies. Love the sucky people. This doesn’t necessarily mean we buy them Christmas presents and invite them over for Christmas dinner. It does mean that we recognize – considering everything Jesus was teaching in his speech – that our mindset even regarding our enemies needs to be informed by the Spirit of God’s means and end of shalom. Holding onto or nursing anger and hatred are not benign and do not yield shalom.
Jesus was martyred, which for some may not be very encouraging. Yet the reality is that you and I are going to die at some point. What are we going to do with our lives? The whole flow of shalom that was so fully represented in Jesus invites us to live lives that pursue and perpetuate love, beauty, peace, joy, harmony, wellbeing for all and more. Remember: it’s a choice – you don’t have to choose this path. You will be well supported and surrounded by many who won’t and don’t follow the Way Jesus taught and modeled. But as a pastor who has presided over hundreds of memorial services, I can tell you this: expressions of love are the only things people really want to remember. Where much love has been evident, stories flow and inspire. Where little love has been present, there is much silence. One approach to life stifles life itself in its grasping. The other approach experiences abundance of life overflowing despite occasional suckfests and sucky people so that, in the end, they can draw their last breath saying “It’s a wonderful life” – and so can those who bid them farewell.
You may wish that you had an angel – Clarence or Gabriel – to speak to you about all of this. You do. Jesus, fully rooted in the Jewish tradition of shalom, is still remembered and celebrated today because of what he communicated to the likes of Mary and all others who felt unworthy. Emmanuel is reality. God is with us – all of us – and can be trusted to guide us, empower us, encourage us, heal us every step of the way. The vision caught – and is still being caught – so that millions upon millions have sensed God’s presence with them in pronounced ways. Jesus was instrumental in opening that experience up, starting with his own life and teaching and modeling it so others could, too. So powerful is this truth that Julian of Norwich, who devoted her life to contemplation and meditation, in a moment of great clarity of God’s pervasive presence and passion, declared, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” Because, even during the suckfest with all the Suckmeisters sucking things up, God is with us, which means it’s still a wonderful life.