Note: You can watch this teaching on CrossWalk’s YouTube channel.
When you hear the word “loss”, what comes to mind? I bet for many of us, death tops the list as we recall those we have quite literally lost. For others it may be divorce or a significant breakup with a lover or friend – we are painfully aware that the relationship as it once was will never return in the same way. The global pandemic we find ourselves in certainly has brought loss – over 500,000 deaths (and climbing) just in the United States. We know that when we lose someone that we love we will find ourselves on a journey of recovery that has some predictable themes. When we don’t honor that grieving process, we hinder our capacity to move on. The grieving process is hard enough even when we are intentional, yet life is even harder when we deny or ignore grief and its impact on our lives. Could it be that other forms of loss also require a similar process? My friend Rev. Jim Warnock shared this quote with me:
In every change, there is loss;
In every loss there is grief;
In every grief, there is grieving;
It is unavoidable;
It is necessary;
It is how God made us;
It is good.
We have all experienced many forms of loss since the pandemic hit, not just death or ended relationships. Spring is around the corner – literally and figuratively. I think we will be much more able to live again if we do the hard work of grieving what we’ve lost before we jump into whatever may be next. I’m calling this series Spring Cleaningbecause, like our homes, there may be some unaddressed stuff laying around that we haven’t dealt with just yet for lots of reasons. Just like literal spring cleaning, when we see what’s been piling up, clean up what has been collecting dust, we will feel better and more prepared to enjoy more life ahead. That’s what the next few weeks will be about.
March is Women’s History Month. Some of the great stories in the Bible that deal with loss involve incredible women. Take a moment and realize how incredible it is that the Bible honors many women throughout its books. The earliest stories were told somewhere around 1500 BCE and the last pen stroke of the Christian canonical books dried in the 90’s CE. This was at a time when most women were seen and treated as property not unlike cattle or sheep, and did not enjoy many more benefits or legal protections! The very first story in the Bible from the book of Genesis even celebrates the feminine nature of God! No joke! What we call the “Spirit” of God is literally feminine, not masculine. And the first woman in the Bible, Eve, was given a role description when “introduced” to Adam. Eve was to be a helper to Adam. We read/hear “helper” as derogatory and demeaning. But the original language used the same “helper” language to describe the role of the “Spirit” in the make-up of God. There is no hierarchy in the nature of God. There was never supposed to be a hierarchy between men and women. Men and women were equal in the beginning.
The story of Adam and Eve, the Garden of Eden, the Serpent-Tempter, the Forbidden Fruit, and the resulting consequences have been viewed by Christianity as the story of the entrance of sin into the world that led to the fall of humanity from the presence of a holy God who cannot tolerate imperfection and forever condemned them for their total depravity. Therefore, much sacrifice would be required to appease the wrath of God, setting the stage for humanity’s need of someone who could save them from their sins. Christianity names Jesus as that savior and views his horrific death as a final sacrifice to ransom the captives from the grip of sin forevermore. This view made a lot of sense to an ancient people who were very comfortable with the idea of sacrificing birds and sheep and bulls as a way to insure that God still welcomed them. For most of humanity living today, however, this doesn’t resonate or relate as much. While there is surely room for this interpretation when appreciated in context, it doesn’t do much for me, and in fact is so riddled with problems that I cringe whenever this interpretation is referenced. Thank God it wasn’t the original interpretation of the story, and therefore need not be the only perspective worth considering.
Appreciated through the lens of ancient Eastern culture (which is the fertile ground in which Judaism took root), the story of Adam and Eve’s fruitful garden chapter isn’t one about the fall of humanity, but actually about normal, natural maturing. Adam and Eve were safely cocooned in their bubble, were given very clear instructions, and their mettle was tested by a common antagonist found in literature from antiquity: a serpent. The snake wasn’t to blame here – it was merely asking questions which served to display Adam and Eve’s desire to be grown-ups. This is every human’s story.
Also part of every human’s story when significant decisions are made, even if for good? Loss. Innocence was lost. A sense of security was lost. The freedom of running around naked without anybody caring – lost. Complete vulnerability and transparency was also lost. Loss of ease also resulted, as well as a loss of protection from some forms of pain. Realize that the story itself gives us a hint that they were on their way to this moment. Something was up between Adam and Eve – they weren’t as close as they could have been – were they beginning to grow apart or more greatly individuate in some way? When the tempter came, neither bothered to offer or ask for assistance.
This story is about coming of age. It was told to kids from early on so that they would know that this was part of being human. It was part of the Jewish storyline as well, reminding the Israelites that this was their story as a people, too – all of Genesis should be viewed as such. Knowing that loss would come with maturity would be helpful for those who knew it, even as they might be excited about the good future ahead. Being aware early on that loss is part of the deal would help people recognize it, own it, and hopefully process it.
We have all been kicked out of the nest this past year. The snake’s name is COVID-19, and it has tested us. Our individual and collective character has been seen for what it is, and it’s a mixed review. We have all lost a lot. What losses have you experienced over the past year? How many can you name?
I asked my friend, Jim, to offer some insights here to know whether or not we are dealing with loss and therefore grief. He noted several things in our discussion, some of which I resonated with quite a bit. The things that he noted are symptoms that something more may be at play – I think that thing is grief. We may lack energy. We may have lost resolve. We might feel unshakably sad. We may be eating too much. We may spend the entire day (or week?) in our pajamas. We may find it hard to exercise. We may be more irritable than normal. Things we used to really enjoy don’t seem as enjoyable. We may feel stressed a lot of the time. We may find ourselves with less emotional reserves than before, which means we might find ourselves in conflict more than previously. The list of symptoms is long. What symptoms of dealing with loss and grief have you been experiencing? If you aren’t sure, ask someone close to you if they see any of the above showing up in you.
Perhaps a good first step in Spring Cleaning is to simply recognize that there’s some stuff that needs to be addressed. Perhaps we need to admit that we’ve been grieving and may not have known it.
The way Christianity portrays the “Fall” story is that Adam and Eve get punished – banished forevermore from the Garden of Eden. What is often overlooked is that while they couldn’t re-enter the womb, they weren’t without the help and love of God. God was in the womb, but God was also outside of it. God cared for Adam and Eve in paradise, and God was also with them as they left it. God was as much in Eden as God was East of it. The very good news told to Jewish children and to a listening Israel was that God truly cared enough to look after them and assure them that they could make it. It wouldn’t be easy. There would be pain and struggle. But they could flourish. And they did.
You and I and all of humanity may have been in an Eden of sorts without knowing it. It was called pre-pandemic. We’ve been kicked out of that reality for a year now, and it has been filled with loss of many kinds. We need to remember that grieving well is very good for us if we will have it, if we will honor it. And we need to remember that God has not forgotten us or left us on our own without hope. The Spirit of God, the Divine Feminine – She will mother us in the best sense of the word and will love us forward.
May you become fully aware of the losses you have endured so that you might grieve more consciously and intentionally. May you know that leaving Eden is simply part of life. May you know that God is with you no matter what space you are in, and that She is loving, kind, nurturing, and supporting. Always.